New Year's Resolutions: How to become a Federal Criminal
It’s that time again – time for New Year’s Resolutions!
I have no tattoos. No anchor on my bicep. No Mom heart on my shoulder. Not even a tramp stamp of Chinese characters wishing me luck. I’m not scared of needles, I just wanted to keep my options open. When you watch those crime shows – NCSIVU or whatever – how do they always identify the criminals? That’s right. By their tattoos. So I have chosen to not partake of any kind of body art. Just in case.
Then I found this book.
How to Become a Federal Criminal?!? See, I knew it! Maybe 2020 is my year. Don’t get me wrong, I like my library job and all, but crime is an evil siren. And thanks to lawyer/author, Mike Chase, I now have the perfect guide to get started in the new year.
Where to begin? Maybe I’ll mail a mongoose (page 42). Or maybe I’ll drink beer on a bike in a national park (page 185 – probably not. I don’t like beer). I could also get $25.01 worth of pennies and LEAVE THE COUNTRY (page 84) or the horror – maybe I’ll sell (gasp) runny ketchup (page 113). There are just so many options to choose from, I can’t decide.
By day, author Mike Chase is an actual criminal defense lawyer. However, at night, he goes by the Twitter handle @CrimeADay where he shares his extensive, and humorous, knowledge of our curious, intriguing, and esoteric Federal law system. And don’t even get him started on the state crimes. We’ll be here forever.
Overall, I thought this book was hilarious. Don’t skip the drawings – they were some of my favorite parts. If I’m honest - and what budding criminal isn’t? – a few parts of the book were a little slow. Sometimes the author got bogged down with more detail than was funny (sheesh…lawyers. Am I right?). But I loved it and highly recommend it to anyone who needs a new career*.
Now if you will excuse me, I have to go see a man about a horse. But I’m definitely NOT going to make an unreasonable gesture to said passing horse in a national park (page 177).
Or will I?
Happy Crimin’ in the New Year…
*Just for argument – this post is meant to be funny. I’m not really going to quit my nice library job to take up a life of crime and you shouldn’t either. But if you will refer back to the beginning, I could if I wanted to because I’ve got no tattoos. Remember? They’d never catch me…